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June 11th, 2005


03:46 pm - Pretty Little Things
I've been a member of deviantart.com for quite sometime, but never put anything on it. Lately I've been uploading like crrrazy. Found some sweet proggies that render fractal art and some cool things. Come check out my page http://merrick1230.deviantart.com

Here's a couple previews...





Much better ones on the site :) Let me know what you think http://merrick1230.deviantart.com
Current Mood: [mood icon] creative
Current Music: Sassy LIVE on www.IndieRadioLive.com

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June 10th, 2005


01:34 pm - I will be Published!!!
I am very excited about this, so I will probably post it on all of my journals :D

http://www.poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P6973031&BN=999&PN=1

That poem right there has been selected to appear in 'Eternal Portraits' which is a $69.99 coffee-table poetry book. I'm so stoked, the poem will get a page to itself. ::dance:: This is my second published poem. When I was 12 my grandmother entered a poem into a contest and that one, entitled "some day" is in an unknown poetry book as well.

I've also been invited to washington dc for the same reason. "I would like to inform you of your nomination as Poet of the Year for 2005, and to personally invite you to read your poetry at the single largest gathering of poets in history, where you will be formally inducted as an International Poet of Merit and Honored Member of our Society for 2005-2006." Not sure if I can make it, but it would really be nice. :D



Got this news today in the postmail, after Just yesterday writing another poem which I would like to share, sorry if you don't understand it but yesterday I felt a little insane at all the crap going on around me. I did feel better after writing it and that it really my only soul purpose for doing it. As of now, it is still yet untitled.

Life cries for the worthlessness of the soul
Incompetent, it bears insecurity, drowning the meaning
Yanked and paraded before the regretful faithless as
faded groans empty from an oppressed, mangled mind
Defunct dreams of careless minute occasions
hopelessly broken, defeated for what seems an eternity
Vacant and mal functional, desperate for unrestrained recklessness
Too weak to appose the blighted curses by the forsaken
Sacrificial unwillingness fighting for lingering reality
Underdeveloped, lying silently under the dust-covers

Current Mood: [mood icon] giddy
Current Music: yankee LIVE on IndieRadioLive.com

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June 9th, 2005


10:00 am - QuIZZZZZzes!
What kind of Drugs are you? and how that reflect your personality?
Heroin(0x8930870)
You are Heroin (aka: smack, dope, brown sugar...). You are the most dangerous drug between all other kinds. You are bold, deep, dark, mysterious, have your own world. You are classified as class (A) illegal drugs.

Who are you inside?????
lonely
You are a dark girl. You have a really quiet and really a i dont' care attitude. You like to be alone and that is what you enjoy. You don't like to be around others and you'd rather be away from here. You have a get away from me look and others find you bitchy and self-rigious. You'd rather read than be at a fair but that's ok because that's who you are.

What Do You Need in Your Life?
Security
You need security. There has been many changes in your life and you have had to live in an unstable environment. This has lead you to be suspicious and always on guard. Your mind has a hard time to unwind and this could lead to you having sleeping problems, since you think too much. People are a category you don't give much trust at, and find yourself to be a better secret keeper than they could ever be. Because in your changing world you have learnt that you only have yourself in all times.
Current Mood: [mood icon] curious
Current Music: http://IndieRadioLive.com

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June 6th, 2005


09:40 am - Updating, updating, always and forever updating
I wish I knew more people that had journals... I honestly like to read them, but I want to read someone I actually know. Reading someone's livejournal that you don't know is like going through someone's picture album that you've never met. So, if I know you and you have journal please let me know :-)

I know some people who would make excellent reading material if they only had a journal. hehe I know some crazy human minds that probably have deep, dark thoughts and I want to read them! The people I know on here don't update enough! Well, did have one friend that updated at least twice aday, but since his father passed away he's been GOOOONE! Fester, come back! Love ya!

Listening to Luna stream on the radio. Wish we had more morning people for her. She's a great dj and is in love with the music. She takes a lot of time and effort to put together a show, just wish she had more people to interact with.. sleepyheads.

Kids are in the bath, when they are done, its my turn. Thankfully we have a full schedule today at irl so we will be able to get down to pay some bills and stuff. At least it isnt raining today.

ok, kids are ready to get out, now I go in the bath.
Current Mood: [mood icon] curious
Current Music: Lunasea LIVE on IndieRadioLive.com

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June 4th, 2005


02:26 pm - MYspace
I updated my myspace page.. check it oout! http://www.myspace.com/merrick

hummmm, not a whole lot going on for me right now. Taking everything a day at a time... I am thankful for the friends I have.. more like family everyday. It's hard for me to let people get too close to my emotions as I have been burned so bad and in the worst way. But I am begining to open up to people again. :-)

IRL is doin really good. I can't believe the support that everyone has given since we opened back up. It's completely phenominal. I can't thank them enough. I would like to do something in the future for the staff and the loyal listeners... and yes, we actually have REAL honest to goodness listeners who arent djs or artists... just people who want to have a good time and listen to music. This is how it is supposed to be done folks.. We dont offer anything but indie music.. and they LOVE it. You wont find porn, strip poker, or mainstream music at IRL to bait you in.. Just a good time with good people. NO DRAMA! w00t!

Had a conversation today with an ex staff member who opened up a radio station. haha what a sentence! I could be talking about anyine with that line haha. I chatted with Brian who owns IMX radio. I've honestly tried to reach out to him, we were good friends before and I know he is a nice guy. I dont want anything from him, I just hate feeling like something is left 'undone'.. its weird. I really wish him all the best and I've told him that. But he still harbors ill feelings for something, not quite sure what. He thinks (thanks to wally) that we slandered him when he left irl. I wish brian would really think about that because he was the one that was slandering us and calling our staff memeber's jobs, and trying to steel the djs (he didnt get anyone)... I never did anyting personally to him. We had a lot of fun when he djed for irl, and I often think back to the very beginning of IRL. Since we reopened it feels like it did back then. We dont have all of these really BAD, OVERBEARING personalities draining the life out of everyone else. We don't have lying, conniving, and backstabbing people. It's really nice. But ANYHOW... back to brian and imx. I really, and TRULY want imx to do good for indie music. He of course doesnt believe that... but i've already helped him whether he knows, wants it or not. but I do not think he is doing the right thing by advertising his strippoker and video chat... these people are good family people that participate in indie music sites and he is going to get those people in the same room with people who are looking for hot cam chat?? lol i dont know what is on his brain, but it is absolutely entertaining watching the things he tries to get listeners... at least he is trying tho, thats a small plus... cant wait to see what he tries next. blaaa enough about the mexican.

By the looks of my journal, it looks like I need someone to talk to lol someone that is not into all this, and trustworthy... hell why dont i just see a psych therapist? $Sheeyahaa riight$

enough about that stuff... more about ME!! Haha I don't change, i may get thicker (hopefully not thinner) and i may dance myself silly when i hear the perfect song... but i never change. I wonder if throughout all the ages and centuries past if ive always been the same. I ponder past lives alot. I know ive lived in other places even tho Ive lived all my life in Florida. I know I am older than my 28 years. I know i've loved both male and female, so i am sure i was a man in a previous life. Places seem familiar and comfortable to me that i have never been to them. I know i've lived both richer and poorer than i am now. some have said even 'noble'... I need a $hypnotist$ too, hehehe. But lately I've been wondering if this is my last life?? I believe that we go through lives making up for our mistakes in a past one, trying to gain enough good to finally be reunited with one great soul (being) from which we all came. If we fall short of perfect then we are born again. I am a good person with the best intentions always at heart. I always think of how other people are feeling and react from those feelings. I don't remember ever having extremely horrid thought or ill will towards someone, even as a child. Sure, I have made mistakes, and I make them everyday. But those mistakes don't change the soul I really am. We learn from them. I once had an overwhelming feeling that I was a druid... is that not really, REALLY weird? I mean, I can see me being a scholar of some sort.. i love to learn and read and write. but.. a druid?! how fucked up is that? Everyone else would be like "Oh i was cleopatra, or queen elizabeth I or something... but a druid... Im an enigma to myself.

well... i've wasted enough time today. ::Big grin:: time to go back to work. Visit me at work! http://IndieRadioLive.com
Current Mood: [mood icon] restless
Current Music: Sassy LIVE on www.IndieRadioLive.com

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June 2nd, 2005


09:55 am - ::Sigh::
::Sighs again::

I feel so... depressed? Not sure if that is the word for it. It's been raining non-stop for 3 days. I really don't mind the rain at all. It's like a cleansing for everything, and a time to think. Maybe thats my problem, I tend to think too much as it is.

::Sigh::

I'm broke... don't think we've ever been this broke. Life slaps you in the face every chance it gets. John's surgeries put us way behind. Children & Family services are screwing with us so bad that we've had to go to their emergency food supplies for food. Paying for prescriptions, and his medical supplies. It's bad when you have to not go get your painpills so we can afford to put food in this house. One good plus is we will be getting a check for $160 from Raven's school. Been paying for her lunch (god, must have been at least 100 days) and she's been on free lunch... they sent nothing home and we wouldn't have even known about it if John didnt ask the cafateria people if she had any credit. So that is a small plus in our mega minuses. It will go toward food since we dont know when C&F services will kick in.

::Sigh::

On a lighter note, IRL seems to be rawkin to no end. Getting more NEW djs who are bringing in a lot of listeners and breaking records. Very cool. Just noticed today that IMX is dead. Might be a good thing seeing as how he was trying to fit porn into indie music.. dumbass. Sickness radio and supertrax has teamed up hahaha, and all together they still don't have the listeners and fan base that IRL has. Biway is dead, cant be too sad about that seeing as how they put mainstream artists ahead of indie. awww poor babies. They just dont quite fit the bill... dont have the right people, dont have the best music, ect...

::Sigh::

Looking for my friend Joel aka Gemini aka Fester... His father passed away while John was in the hospital and no one has seen him since. Online or not. We call, leave messages.. just hope he is ok. Joel, love ya doode.

I'm on a song ::dance::. Christopher J Wray had me whisper for one of his songs and put it on a cd. Very cool, I'm excited about that.

Thats it for now... have tons of work always to do, thats what having a very popular radio will do for you.
Current Mood: [mood icon] depressed
Current Music: http://IndieRadioLive.com

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May 18th, 2005


11:37 am - My IQ Test
I used to do these all the time, but could never remember my number lol. I dunno whats good or what is bad anymore, but someone sent me an email and asked if I wanted to do an IQ test, so I thought what the hell, lets see how dumb we are :D

Congratulations, Kathi!
Your IQ score is 126

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.


And this I got from Magick, who in turn stole it from Jesse lol

Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 86% Advanced, and 66% Expert!
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!


For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.





My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


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You scored higher than 33% on Beginner

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You scored higher than 64% on Intermediate

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You scored higher than 18% on Advanced

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You scored higher than 27% on Expert
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

Current Mood: [mood icon] geeky
Current Music: Lunasea LIVE on IndieRadioLive.com

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May 10th, 2005


04:24 pm - My Personality Test
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 53%
Stability |||| 16%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 50%
Empathy |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Interdependence |||||| 23%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 63%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||| 30%
Materialism |||||| 23%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||||||| 36%
Work ethic |||||||||||||| 56%
Self absorbed |||||||||| 36%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 50%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 50%
Anti-authority |||| 16%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||| 36%
Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Individuality |||||| 23%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63%
Food indulgent || 10%
Histrionic |||| 16%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70%
Vanity |||||| 23%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Female cliche |||||||||||| 43%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.


trait snapshot:

paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem.

Current Mood: [mood icon] grumpy
Current Music: Crsh DJing on IndieRadioLive.com

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09:59 am - Stupidasskiddoctorworkingforahospitalthatdoesntmindkillingpeople
Arrrgg!

Wellington sent us a bill... I'm flabergasted! After talking to the medical director and him saying well, we'll just eat this bill. I thought, yeah ok.. yu're just afraid we'll sue yer ass. hehe But they actually sent us a bill.. them fuckers.

See, I was mostly pissed off at the doctor. So I've been spending my time filing complaints in every place possible about him. Wasn't worried about the hospital because I knew they could just blow it off on the doctor.

But they sent us a bill... lol a bill, I say!! FUCKERS!! I refuse to turn it into medicaid! Matter of fact Im gonna tell the state what shitheads they have at Wellington Regional.

So today, John makes a bunch of calls to news people, palmpeachpost, and some tv news. Meanwhile I'm googling this doctor whose face I never saw... He's a fucking KID! I happen to get on wellington regional's website where the CEO Kevin DeLilla says "ask me anything". I click on it and it makes me fill out this stupid form and leave a comment.. I did :) I'll paste that here later. But what REALLY pissed me off is that the damn form wouldn't send!! RRRROOOAAAWWRRR! I must have filled it out 5 more times before I checked the source of the page and saw ::shock, surprise:: because its just a pic dumbass and not a link to send. ARRRRG!

I'm telling ya this shit is making me mental!

I've been thinking about a few internet people a lot lately. I don't know why, these people only have one thing in common, a recent death of a very close loved one. Is it because of my fear of coming so close to losing John? Or is it premenition ::I HATE when that happens:: I get them a lot and tend to ignore them because its always bad.

Anyhow, one person is Joel. He just recently lost his dad to cancer (colon) if I'm not mistaken. I really feel for him. He's lost both parents and he has a very close family. His father was his bestfriend and I my chest hurts when I think of the pain he is going through. Joel... take some pretty pictures, he would love that. (Just feeling things, and saying what I feel. You should take pictures and persue the photographer in YOU)

And the second is Jerry, our Bumpskey DJ. He lost his mother due to cancer in March. I want to hug him everytime I think about it. I really think that's all Jerry really needs, is a great big bone-crushing hug. He plays a recording he has of his mother sometimes and I love hearing it. It may make him sad, but he doesn't know how lucky he is to have that recording. The memories tend to dwindle over the years when you lose someone, especially the sound of their voice. But he will always have it. He has wonderful recordings in his treasure chest (as I call it) and that one is very precious and priceless.

69696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696
What I wrote to the CEO of Wellington Regional::
My husband was misdiagnosed in your emergency room by Dr. Somich on April 25th. I filed a complaint a few days later when we knew he was not going to die, to Kevin Serria (?) he said he was the Medical Director. He told us that my husband was a "learning experience" for Wellington Regional and for us not to worry about the bills that day in the ER.

We have received a bill. We are not too happy about this at all Mr. DiLallo. My husband's colon ruptured and your hospital would do nothing about it even though you had 1. his blood work telling you there was a problem somewhere in his body. 2. Made him take an Xray for abdominal pain without a barium swallow. And let me just tell you right now, Dr. Somich never PHYSICALLY touched him. How can you do a physical examination on a patient experiencing abdominal pain and excrementing puss instead of bowel moevements and not even feel his swollen stomache?

His white bloodcell count was 11.6 in your ER... 9 hours later at Palms West it was 20. It almost doubled. He would have been a lot let sick and in a lot less pain had he been given the proper examinations in your ER.

Lets not forget the Social worker who came to talk to us in the ER because we have no insurance, but 'shared cost' medicaid. She actually told us that she would make sure that the doctor and the hospital do not go 'over the cost budget'. Yet that is not even how shared cost works... it HAS to go over the amount lotted before the state will pay for it.

Again, we are not happy at all about Wellington Regional or Dr. Greg Somich. I will be checking the appropriate agencies to make sure that Dr. Somich is reported to the government as BY LAW the hospital is supposed to.

Not only do I think that the medical bills from Wellington Regional Medical Center should be withdrawn, but the cost of the ambulance to get him to a proper hospital should be taken care of as well.

My husband is here at the house and more than willing to talk about this. It's affected him more than just pain and sickness. Mentally he no longer trusts doctors or hospitals to care for his well being.

Since this happening to us, we have found many instances where Wellington regional has misdiagnosed life-threatening things that could have easily been taken care of had someone done the proper tests. It's very traumatic for everyone involved.
Please contact us at 561 4**-***2

Kathi Horner
Patient name: John Horner
In ER: 4/25/05
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och! I found a wonderful website gallery program! Yay! It will work nicely as the artist page. JOEL!! Hey you could use this for your pictures!! I'll help you set it up, its real easy, and we'll give you some space if you need it. :-) Anyhow, you guys can check it out as a preview. Im still heavily working on it and customizing, and its not even on the IRL page yet, but let me know what you think. :) http://www.indieradiolive.com/IRLPOST/modules/linpha/index.php

I think thats it for now. www.IndieRadioLive.com rawks some major shit! Others have tried to duplicate but there is no way to replicate, cause its not about what you got, its about the music and the people.. NO OTHER INDIE STATION COMES CLOSE!
Current Mood: [mood icon] enraged
Current Music: Taco - Freedom www.IndieRadioLive.com

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May 4th, 2005


10:00 am - I wrote in my IRL journal
http://indieradiolive.com/IRLPOST/index.php?module=v4bJournal&func=journal_view&mode=detail&uid=7
Current Mood: [mood icon] dorky
Current Music: Sway -Lucy IndieRadioLive.com

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May 3rd, 2005


12:58 pm - Mysterious Life That we Live
John came home Sunday evening, yay! He looks really good. Yesterday he was moving around good, took a shower last night and everything. Today he's in more pain than yesterday. :( It's good for him to just sleep and heal. I don't want him doing too much too soon.

The Medical Director of Wellington's exact words to John were "We're taking this as a learning experience." Ock! An experience that almost cost my husband's life! Shitheads! They have, out of the kindness of their heart, said that we don't have to worry about the ER bills. ili <---my middle finger, stuff em up YOUR ass Doc.

Perscriptions were over $150 (yikes). Borrowed money from grandma cause its the end of the month for uswhich means we're broke.

ohh well.. least he's alive and bitchin! ::Grin:: Still just as perverted too. All is well, I guess.

Oh.. and I'm tired, but thats nothing new.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: American Lesley Jane - IndieRadioLive.com

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April 30th, 2005


09:32 pm - Wow.. we feel so... important. Not.
(The Subject of this entry really has nothing to do with this entry, disreguard it if you have no clue.) But I do just want to say that this is MY journal. If you think that what I enter here will "make you sick" then by all means, find another place to waste your time. These are my thoughts... random and insane as they may be, but they are mine. I would prefer you to not post anything on a public website about my thoughts, bad or Good. If your wishes are ill, keep them to yourself.

On with my insane thoughts...
The doc came into the room and asked John if he was ready to go home. We both looked at each other, like, "Are you serious? I'm outa heeeea!". BUT... after checking his lab work for today, they are making him stay another night. First off they want to make sure that he is able to take and hold down antibiotic pills, but also his potassium was all of a sudden low. So they are IVing that to him tonight. And tomorrow is homecoming, Yay!

He talked to his practitioner after he went through John's charts. The Doc really his it home for him and told him how serious this was. Told him another 24 to 48 hours and he would've been dead. He was in tears when he told me and I know its because of how hard headed he is. If I hadn't of called 911 he would've kept telling me "no, Im ok, the ER said I was ok". (I knew when he didnt get mad at me when I called 911 that is was REALLY serious, I expected him to blow up at me.) "That fuckin hospital made him think he was fine when in reality he was dying!" Is all I can think about right now, so I know what must be going on in his head. How close he was... he now wants to get life insurance, he asked me, "what would you and the kids do if I die?" :( I told him, "we will miss you, thats it. I don't care about anything else but that you're ok." I don't want to ever think about my 39 year old soulmate and the father of 2 beautiful very Young girls leaving us. My chest hurts as my heart stops to just think... 24 hours?

But he's ok now... the lucky fuck! When he injured his eye, the docs afterward told us how close he's come to stabbing into the brain... TWO very close calls, two very traumatic events. I don't think he could handle much more.

Playing nurse is quite traumatic enough, anyone in the medical field reading this will know what I mean. At least they let me watch a video on how to change everything. I'm still very, very, VERY nervous... I have never professed an interst of being in the medical field. After John's 2 close-calls, I know why. I am definantly not ::warning, pun:: 'cut out' to have a scaple in my hand, and I don't like to hurt people unless I'm mad, and I reallt dont want to be known as one of those mean, angry nurses... those are the bitches that purposely can't find a vein and have to stick for times, wiggling the needle around to try and catch it. heh Sad humor, but always for a reason. Well.. at least I wont have to wake up every 2 hours to put in his eyedrops (its not as easy as it sounds).

Morghan is sick with a cold, she was running a fever today and real groggy.... and stiLL AWAKE! waaa! If I get through this without pulling all my hair out I'll be happy.

Kevin told us that Linda was in a head-on car collision. I don't have any details, which worries me a little, but he said that she's home with a few bumps n bruises. I was worried because we hadn't seen Linda and Harv basically since the day after John went in the hospital. Love you (((Linda and Harv)))!! Hope to see you soon just to know for sure that everything is ok.

Hmmm, I have a million and one things all going through my head at once... SOME people could've made it easier by not adding to my list of upsets.. anyhow, im done for now.
Current Mood: [mood icon] contemplative
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

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11:04 am - Jim Vous Âne Sourd-muet Stupide
Jim que vous essayez d'être futé, ainsi je m'assiérai juste ici et rirai de vous pendant un moment. I sûr a besoin de lui, merci. Français ? Oui, Je peux faire cela aussi.

You are the piece of shit... Why are you reading my blog anyway? Dont have better things to do in your great radio station that has OOHH so many listners?? Leave us the fuck alone. We dont want anything to do with you. I think its pretty funny actually what you write on the front page of Biway... haha I can promise you this.. I dont give you guys the thought to even go to your blog little-lone write about it on the front page of IRL. You're a piece of shit if you can be happy while someone else is dying. Go fuck yourself with your little dick, cause I know Heather dont want it, hehe.

You think my girls deserve to lose their father?? You think its good? Fuck you, your not even human.

Its good to see that we meant so much to you that you keep up on my business, and feel strongly enough about us to post it on the front page of biway, nice. Thanks!

I dont believe in karma, but if you do... I would think twice about laughing in its face. Lets talk about something real quick... lets talk about the fact that your girlfriend likes other girls better than you... Let's talk about the countless phone conversations between you and Shane about your relationship... lets talk about the countless talks you had with John... every other week you were going to break up with Heather... you said you couldnt even stand her. Lets talk about how you REALLY feel. Let's talk about the conversations you and heather have had with ME about Shane... lol You people dont even LIKE each other... You've already lost 95% of the people you had within 3 months, so I'll just sit back and watch the show like I have been doin...

Everyone has left you... get the hint, you're not good at this business. Stick to being a fucked up geek with no backbone who goes skitso, cause thats what you're good at.

And obviously your ploy to have me banned by ip off biway, doesnt work.. maybe you're not as geeky as you thought?? ok then maybe you should Really stick to what you know best... pack another bowl.
Current Mood: [mood icon] bitchy
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

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April 29th, 2005


09:28 pm - Is there ever an end?
(Joel, I am soo sorry!! I have been so freaked out and busy that I havent had time to call you and let you know... below)

John has had what we thought was a stomache flu for about 3 weeks.. first week was nausia, throwing up, diarhea. That stuff kinda stops and next he has intense gas (was pretty funny at the time)and all of sudden he has no bowel movements. Everyone around the IRL knew about him being sick.. Lunasea even told him to go to the hospital (she's a nurse). He blew everyone off... I swear, he was perfectly normal besides the occasional stomache complaint after he ate something. Things like this, you expect to just normally go away. You never think that there could be something seriously wrong..

Well, Monday morning he took Raven to school. And he sat on the crapper to try to take a poop. (this will get graphic) To his horror he pooped green puss. That scared him like he's never been scared before. He told me to take him to the hospital. So off to Wellington Regional ER we went.

We were there basically 5 hours just waiting on John to pee so they could get a urine sample. they did 3 things to him and 3 things only... Took blood for testing, did a urin analysis, and did an Xray on his abdomin (did not have him drink a barium swallow which is important to even SEE the intestines). That's it. I sat 90% of the time in the room with him and not ONCE saw the doctor. I took Raven to the bathroom for 2 min and all of a sudden he had his paperwork and they discharged him... I was like, "What???" He said this doctor never even touched him (you would think someone with stomache pain, you would at least have to push on the abdomin and feel things).

They told him it was a form of gastrienitis (sp?) and told him to follow up at a gastro doc. Gave him all the blood work on his charts and 2 prescriptions. One for pain and the other was time release prevacid (for gas?). Of course we didnt have the money to fill the perscriptions... but what else were we to do? They said he was basically fine and dandy.

Got him home, he was still in pain in the stomache and back area. He tried to eat, but was in even more pain after that. He started a fever again then was sweating with the shakes.. I tried to get him to let me take him back to the ER but he kept saying no. I thought it was because the kids were in bed asleep (i woulda woke them up and took them with us)but it was really because of the way they treated him there. We have no insurance... felt like he was pushed through the door and only given the treatment that was 'affordable'.

By 2:30am, I had enough of watching him go through all this and I called 911 to have an ambulance sent. If he didnt want me to take him, fine someone Will! The firerescue got here first and checked him out. He was running a small fever (even tho he was shaking uncontrollably and sweating). They were not surprised to hear about how we were treated at Wellington. But they were definantly worried. The ambulance took him to Palms West Hospital.

I called him at 6:30am and he was still in the ER... he was feeling a little better (I think because he felt comfortable with the doctors there)they had made him drink the smoothy, thick drink and took a catscan, was just waiting for the results...

He called me back (I think it was about 9am) and was EXTREMELY upset!He was so upset he told the doctor to explain it to me. Dr. Massey's news was a shock and another life change for us. He had a few places in his lower intestines that were abscessed and his colon was ruptured... WHAT????!! This was Not the news I thought to hear!! NOO!! WHY HIM??

He went immediately into surgery. She found more infected than she thought (the Doc) there was a pool of puss she cleaned out a lot. He will wear a bag for 6 to 8 weeks while everything heels. God it was so hard to see him like that after his surgery... I was in shock for the longest time. He had tubes and IVs everywhere! The had to pump his stomache continuously because the digestive system shuts down after a surgery like that, so he had a tube in the nose going to the stomache. He hated that, he gagged on it and it made him want to throw up and throwing up hurt REALLY bad. Yesterday he finally had gas which meant that things were working and they could take out.. thats when he started to look a lot happier. He had a catheter, he has iv holes in both hands and both arms, still had one ive in one arm. He had an iv in his Neck!! right in the jugular! The day after surgery a nurse found another in his foot!! He hates needles!! He has a pump to put ladicaine directly to the wound site, he has another pump that pumps out a blood/water mix from somewhere in his abdomin, he of course has a bad attached to his colon on the outside of his skin that catches his excriments. God this is soo horrible and traumatic for him!! Seeing him took me back to when he lost his eye. Only worse!

I have been running my ass off since monday... everyone has been trying to be really great and helpful. The radio people are awesome and very supportive. Today he looked really good. He was able to slowly walked down the hall. He drank juice, then tonight was allowed to have some broth on the hospital. They say that if his fever stays away then he will be released tomorrow or Sunday. I will be so glad to have him home, but at the same time I'm a little nervous. I'm worried about him getting an infection, or getting a cold from one of the kids, or any number of things. My chest hurts when I think of what he and us as a family will be going through. I had to keep Raven out of school for 2 days because she was so upset.

The kids btw, have been absolutely horrible... its like ok, daddy's not here we can act 10 times worse! Holy cow they are draining me down fast. I didnt even think I had enough energy to write this, but it seems that getting some of my feelings out has given me a little adrinalin rush. I've screamed, I've cried, and I've cursed today... Im so exhausted.
Current Mood: [mood icon] indescribable
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

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April 21st, 2005


07:22 am - Wow! Some very important news!!
I have a son who will be 12 years old in July. I had Alec when I was 16 years old. My mom adopted him when he was 1 1/2 because I didnt havt the ability at the time to take care of him. He is a very intelligent kid. He went to a school for the gifted and made excellent grades.

Well, last year mom and step-father along with Alec moved to Oklahoma (I miss them all a LOT). Since then he's been suspended from a regular school about 4 times. Mostly for skipping school. He's been into fights and he's failing in school. Something is really wrong when a kid goes from honor roll in a gifted school to failing miserably in a regular school. No one knows what's going on with him. He doesnt talk about his problems, even to me on the phone.

My Mom called last night crying. He got suspended from school again AND he left the house at 2:30 in the afternoon, he still hadnt' been back when my mom called at 8:30pm. She called around and found out he was with a kid that just got suspended from school because he had pot. Nope, not good at all. She can't handle him anymore... she's afraid that my step-dad will have a heart attack because everyday him and Alec are screaming at each other. So she asked if I would take him... HELL YES I WILL TAKE HIM!!

I've wanted him with me since I got my shit together (6 months after she adopted him). All the stuff he is doing now sounds so much like his father.. I don't want Alec to be like him!! His father was passed between family member to family member too. Everytime he did something wrong he was shipped off to another person. I dont want that to happen to Alec. It stops here.

All I can imagine is how hurt he is going to feel by my mom. So I want to make him feel really good when he gets down here. I dont want to be down on him for what he's done in Oklahoma. He gets a fresh new, clean start here. My BOY IS COMIN HOME!! I'm so nervous!! Raven is excited.

We're going to have to move the office into the 2nd livingroom so he can have a bedroom. Not a big deal. Nothing about him coming down here is a big deal, not really. Yes we are always short on cash, but I'm not too worried about an extra mouth to feed, Im just so happy (and nervous) that he's coming home.

One thing I'm worried about is him wanting to possibly see his Dad. I've not spoken to his father in over 10 years. I know where his family lives, but they've never cared 2 shits for Eric or Alec. I wont deny Alec, but it will be really hard.

So life takes another major turn for me... I've learned to expect that. Life is always turning and twisting. One minute you're on top of the world and the next you're not. Thats how things work in my life. Its a good thing we're settling John's case in June!

Im nervous!
Current Mood: [mood icon] nervous
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

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April 16th, 2005


11:12 pm - Hehe This is Hilarious!
I am worth $1,418,012.00 on HumanForSale.com


How much are you worth?
Current Mood: [mood icon] giggly
Current Music: Mudlow - Cootchie IndieRadioLive.com

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April 15th, 2005


01:11 pm - ok,,ok I stole it from Jesse today and now its MIIINE! mwhaha
How well do you know me??


I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Current Mood: [mood icon] pleased
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

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11:05 am - Answer then or Be Damned! mwahah
1. Who are you?


2. Are we friends?


3. When and how did we meet?


4. How have I affected you?


5. What do you think of me?


6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?


7. How long do you think we will be friends?


8. Do you love me?


9. Do you have a crush on me?


10. Would you kiss me?


11. Would you hug me?


12. If you could have sex with me would you?


13. Physically, what stands out about me?


14. Emotionally, what stands out about me?


15. Do you wish I was cooler?


16. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?


17. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.


18. Am I loveable?


19. If you could do anything to my body, what would you do with me?


20. How long have you known me?


21. Describe me in one word.


22. What was your first impression?


23. Do you still think that way about me now?


24. What do you think my weakness is?


25. Do you think I'll get married?


26. If you could marrie me, would you?


27. What makes me happy?


28. What makes me sad?


29. What reminds you of me?


30. If you could give me anything what would it be?


31. How well do you know me?


32. When's the last time you saw me?


33. What would you do to see me in person?


34. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?


35. Ever wanted to do something to me but couldn't?


36. Do you think I could kill someone?


37. Are you going to put this on your MYSPACE and see what I say about you?
Current Mood: [mood icon] flirty
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

09:44 am - Giles???? Gimme a break! Im boring! lol
You scored as Rupert Giles. You're very wise. Though you've only recently begun thinking about yourself, you're always there to help. Everyone around you holds you in high regard. You've always pulled through.

</td>

Rupert Giles

83%

Dawn Summers

67%

Xander Harris

58%

Willow Rosenberg

46%

Anya

46%

Tara Maclay

46%

Buffy Summers

29%

Spike

29%

Which Buffy The Vampire Slayer Character Are You Most Like!?
created with QuizFarm.com

Current Mood: [mood icon] contemplative
Current Music: IndieRadioLive.com

(Leave a comment)

09:14 am - Indie music stations???? HAHAHA




hahaha this is not a joke... I was curious and went over to BIway to see what new stuff they had done... what do see? Cruise Control is spinnin the tunes (as usual) but what is the bot playing??? hahaaaa not indie music my dears!!

Its funny because another "indie" radiostation just the other day was caught playing aerosmith. When asked why, they said it was so they can get more listeners... Thats a fucking laugh!! All it shows is that they are not willing to play the indie game and promote REAL indie artists... what should that tell the real indie artists that Should be getting played??

anyhow... I thought that screan capture was pretty funny...

LONG LIVE INDIE MUSIC!!!
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: Cobbler ---On a REAL indie station... IndieRadioLive.com

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