Current mood:	rejuvenated
Current music:	Kapuda 'Hit and Run' on IndieRadioLive.com

The last post was a very dark day for me... stress and all just kind of erupted and exploded. I feel better now. Im changing things in my life.

1. I will not get upset when I program something and it doesnt work.. (sounds simple, but for me this is a big one, cause when I am upset, my family suffers as well.)

2. I will delegate time to work on IRL... say, 10 hours a day instead of every minute I am awake.

3. I will spend more time with my kids on a daily basis... as opposed to setting their games up on their pc so they are just as computer crazy as me.

4. I will make an effort to create a 'normal' family life here at home, even thinking of getting a parttime job.. just to feel 'normal'.

5. I will not let people on the internet hurt me emotionally.

6. I will make time for my own personal talents that Don't include the computer.

7. There is more Im changing... but that gets a little more personal, heh

8. And the most hardest of all, Ive quit smoking that oh-so-sticky-green-stuff.. After smoking for 10 years on a daily basis, Ive come to the conclusion that reguardless of what the 'experts' say... it is addicting, VERY addicting.. You DO get withdrawls, and some ARE physical. It has had control over my life for so long... I miss it, I do lol but I feel so much better! So much more energy! 30 days they say is how long it takes for the thc to leave your body and you wont 'need' it anymore... Well I have 26 more days to go. Maybe then I will finally have a good night's sleep without cold and hot sweats.

The darkness on Valentines Day and the few days after that I spent in my deep, black hole made me stronger. I can do this. I can take control of my life and be SOMETHING. I HAVE to... my kids and husband need me. I need me.

Again, Thank you all and Im sorry you read something I wrote in one of the darkest moments of my life. It must have been really weird to read something like that from someone who seems so damn happy all the time hehe.. but everyone has their own times of depression and Im no different. The best thing about being in the dark is you are more ready to appreciate the light. And I do... You guys are the light of my life along with my family here at home.

I am Somebody.. a crazy somebody, but at least its something